CHICAGO, Monday, June 14, 1976. Hospital officials confirmed today the safe arrival of Margaret Ellis, described by attending nurses as "remarkably alert" and "clearly destined for great things." Proud family members were seen distributing cigars and telephoning relatives well into the evening.

Those close to Margaret predict a life marked by legendary lasagna and unbeatable crossword times. Experts consulted by this newspaper declined to argue the point.

Sources further indicate that Margaret will one day be heard declaring, with characteristic conviction, "Well, that's one way to do it." A phrase this reporter expects to be repeated at family gatherings for decades.